The First Day,
No One wanted to go in,
The last,
When No One wants to go out.
Goodbye is all that people can say,
Some Eyes are filled with opportunites that Lie ahead,
and Some Filled with tears of the memories.
They say school is the best time you'd ever have.
When they had the opportunity,
Everyone took leaves, and didn't come,
But now all they want is some more days,
to explore what more they could have done.
But why Do I feel this Lump in the throat,
When I Feel about leaving the school,
When I've already had a goodbye,
When I've already had Farewells.
Maybe Because I knew That school wasn't over,
and The Possibility of new Friends wasn't too.
I knew that old Friends would still be there,
Most of them that is but too.
But this time when we walk out,
There wouldn't be a return,
No teachers, No Ugly Uniform,
No Lectures for that overgrown hair and nails,
No Canteen, No Money Fights,
No Class Photographs, No Bunks.
All that we'd be left with,
Are Just Simple Memories.
GOD.. you write amazing..
ReplyDeleteI really wonder how to pen down words for expressing real emotions..
Its great :-)
Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteYou just need to write down whatever you feel. and then Try to modify it.
Okay,firstly,I read the other poems as well,and i felt the same thing that i am going to say about all of them.
ReplyDeleteFirstly,your poems begin off extremely well,Must say,you actually do have a way with words.
Also,I like the fact that you do not really emphasize on a rhyme scheme specifically,(thank god there are some people who understand rhyme schemes are not everything!),so that actually adds layers of depth to your writings,and that is very effective.
The sad part is that somewhere through your poems,you seem to lose a bit of touch(I noticed it in all the poems).You start off sounding much more matured than the 17 years you are,but then somehow,there is a point in your poems where you manage to let it slip that you are actually just 17,and need more experience.For example,repeating all your memories here,especially the money fights and bunking part,tends to show that you are actually slipping out of focus.I am sure your writing will be refined over a period of time,so its not really an issue,though i would suggest that poems need not necessarily be written immediately,at a stretch,poems can take ages to write,so dont finish a poem or anything for the heck of it.(I did this a lot in my initial stages of writing,trust me,hastily-written works never turn out too well.
Secondly,No hard feelings,but your earlier poems were better compared to this one,if not just marginally so,but that is possibly because those had a much deeper sense.This was pretty good,nonetheless.
I stumbled across your blog,and I am not going to say I am very experienced,I am just a couple of years older to you,but ive been writing for a while now,So just thought i'd let you know how I feel.
Keep It up,Really nice work,Can see you becoming really good at this one day:)
Prithvi
Prithvi.
ReplyDeleteThanks Man. Yeah I don't really work around with rhyme schemes.
Okay. I sometimes do Finish them off hastily. I'll work on that.
Yeah I get that. This was just written because had to be. there were greater feelings in that.
Oh okay.
Thanks For your appreciation and advice. I'll work around your suggestions.
Thanks once again.
:)